Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
