yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
