It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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