Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
