I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
