i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
