Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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