just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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