so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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