I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I pour the whiskey from now on
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
