So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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