This is not my ceiling
literally had 100 drinks last night.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
