She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
