I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Ladies don't puke and tell
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
