I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
