You really coming over, don't trick.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
