Redeem this text for a blowjob
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Randomize
