That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My liver just had a heart attack.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
