The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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