i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
