): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
