Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
