The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
