I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
