somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
