Christians are straight up FREAKS
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
