Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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