we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
