dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
