my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
