oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You are a genius and a whore.
there is glitter all over my balls
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
