I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
