I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
