I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
