why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
