My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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