it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
