see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
