he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
