When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
