Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
