dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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