also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i barfeds in our rink
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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