I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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