Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
