u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
