i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
