how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
