mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
