Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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